06:18 Nov 09 2012
Times Read: 979
I cannot believe that in a a few months I will have been on VR for 8 years. This place has really taught me a lot over that course of time.
I remember when I first started I was angry inside. I was angry because I had a mom who was taken from me and I didn't know how to handle it or express it. So I lashed out in ways that was inappropriate. I really was such a bitch. I remember reading someone's journal entry that was just horrible spew. I remember it hitting me that *I* sound like this and that was not okay. That when people read my stuff they were thinking the same thing I was thinking right at that moment- she's bitchy, she's hateful, she sounds like a horrible person. I knew I had to change my attitude and the way I expressed myself because I did not want to be put in the same category as that person.
It also made me realize that I was too gullible. I think that having the sort of gullibility I had was brought on by a form of innocence and believing that there is something always good about a person. While there are good things about a person, if you always look for the good and excuse the bad, you end up in bad situations. In order to see correctly you have to see both no matter how much you do not want to.
This place made me realize that there are real honest people out there. It make just take a bit to find them, but they are there. There are people who make your world better and touch your heart and soul. That you can forge real friendships and distance isn't a big deal when you find that kind of friendship. There are some that are very important in my life and always will remain that way.
My first impression of someone isn't always the right one. And that I can be, and will be, wrong at times. I have been wrong on a few occasions- both good and bad. It's a lesson, a very valuable one.
In a perfect world everyone would like everyone and the world would just be an amazing place. Let me tell you, I learned quickly that isn't even close to happening here. While I've always known I will not always like everyone and everyone will not always like me, this place slaps you in the face with it. You will find people here who will set out on some kind of crusade to make people's lives hell, or just to be an ass. You will find people who want nothing more than drama and attention and will do everything in their power to get it. I am sure it has something to do with the fact there are some mentally unstable people drawn here. I mean I was drawn here years ago, and I'm not the most stable person in the world; Just more stable than some people I see, not all, just some.
When I first started online I knew that some people weren't honest about who they were, but I didn't realize the magnitude the people will go to in order for those around them to believe their fabrications. I never realized that people will involve their children, rape, abuse and so many other things just so people would believe lies. It still bothers me to think about all the stuff that happened because of that dumb bitch and her lies. Not only the ones that were told to me, but the ones that were told to numerous other people around here. The unnecessary crap that was brought on because of all the things this dumb bitch did. Not everyone is a good person- this person was proof of that through and through. When I first started here I became involved with someone else that pulled the same thing- lied about their life, who they were and just so much. The red flags where everywhere and yet I looked past them when I shouldn't have. I've only 'dated' two people from this website that was the first experience and the second one was wasted time as well for many reasons, but that's a whole different story. (Yes, I know you are here pretending to be someone else no matter how hard you try to deny it. Suck it. Ducky ain't the only one to notice that right off the bat) I can say that these situations weeded out some things for me; who were not my friends, who were my friends, who I did not need in my life and that not everyone deserves second chances.
Since I tend to bottle my emotions I've learned on how to deal with some of them. I am sure not in a healthy way with some, but in others I believe it is. I've learned how to forgive, even if I cannot forget. It's taught me how *I* need to forgive and that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for yourself. It's also taught me the importance of being rational in situations and think as clear as I can even when I am beyond the point of being very angry. It really has helped me control an anger that was becoming out of control at one point. It also made me realize when I need to say it is not okay to treat me like that and stand up for myself. There are times when I allowed people to treat me like a doormat and I thought it was okay because it was friendship, but then I realized it's not okay in any situation. And it is not okay for me to treat people like that either. That I did the same thing at times and it was not okay by a long shot. The greatest thing I learned with this whole thing is this- once that power button is turned off a lot of the problems go away with it. It only affects you if you allow it to do so. In the end who really cares?
This place has taught me so much about friendship, pseudo-friendships, acquaintances and just people in general. It has taught me that there are people who really do care, and love you for who you are. That it is okay to face struggles in life and to lean on them because they are your friend and they will be there for you when you need them. It is okay to be proud of the hardship you've overcome, and people who really love you and care about you will not judge you for your disabilities, but love you more because you have them and they've changed you to who you've become. They will never dislike you because you have limitations, but they will dislike you if you are an asshole. They have taught me that there are special people in this place and I cherish them so, so much.They have taught me that even in friendships, people screw up; that *I* screw up and sometimes I can be a crappy friend and how I need to change that. (I'm an introvert. bite me. hah) I've also learned that there are times when, just like in a relationship, you must let friendships go. You cannot hold onto something that doesn't want to be held onto, or something that is damaging in the end. There are times when it feels like friendships can be like a road. The road you are traveling on is excellent for awhile, and then suddenly that road dwindles to an end. While it can be sad to see that road end because of the moments you spend traveling it, there are times when it is necessary.
This place has also taught me that life can be altered in just a moment. It taught me how to mourn, cry and death can happen to anyone at any moment. It taught me that people come into your life for a reason and even when they are gone you will still love them unconditionally as the days pass. That the connection between friends can be a magical force even if one has passed on. That it's okay for someone to leave their footprints on your soul and heart and have them impact your life in a way you never imagined.
I've lost things, I've gained things since the 8 years of being on this site. I came to this site with some innocence. It may not have been much, but I had some. There are times I miss it. I know that in the end it's a good thing that it is gone, but I miss when it was so... simple and care free.
I'm rambling, I know. I've had this, and some other thoughts, in my head for a few days. I've also realized that it can take me a bit to become angry. Like I have to sit an access the situation for awhile and then it really hits me and I become angry. Almost like a delayed reaction. I can become angry when it happened, but then it takes me a while to be at a level of angry where I should be. Perhaps its just the way I bottle my emotions and it comes to a head. It's probably a form of crazy. We'll label it as crazy. No sense in fixing it if it ain't broke. I've always went with crazy, so no sense in changing it now!
And speaking of crazy-
This place has showed me a level of bat shit crazy that I never thought was possible. I didn't realize that someone would not explode if they had an abundance of batshit crazy stored up inside of them. I really am shocked almost everyday that I see the levels of batshit crazy I see, and people can still function out in the real world. And by that I mean they aren't locked up being pumped full of drugs to control their crazy. See another form of innocence -poof- gone, just like that.
COMMENTS
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birra
21:15 Nov 16 2012
But isn't it possible that the accuser might have bad information or a skewed/motive laiden perspective?
just because you call someone an alcoholic and they deny it, doesn't make them an alcoholic.
Morrigon
22:35 Nov 16 2012
Birra has a point...
I think it's important to keep in mind HOW an issue is brought to someone's attention. Sometimes it's really obvious that the person is lying, sometimes it's not.
When it comes down to feelings, if you express that someone who supposedly cares about you has hurt you, and they just deny any wrongdoing then you can probably assume that there's a bigger issue.
Feeling are feelings. Whether or not you MEANT to hurt someone doesn't really negate the fact that you hurt them.
MooniePie
05:46 Nov 17 2012
It could, Birra.
I don't think this can be directed towards everyone. I think if it is a constant thing, then there is a problem. When you place a constant string of things like this happening to a person, then I think that this article applies.
For instance if you watch little Johnny and he repeats the process over and over again with the same intentions and actions, but different people- then little Johnny may have a problem. And he may need an ass whoopin'. hah.
And you're right, Morri. Sometimes it isn't that obvious. I think it depends on who, or what the situation is. I also think it depends on the people. You can have someone that just out and out lies, there is proof and yet people still believe the lies because it's easier to believe them than believe the truth. And also the fact that there are times when desperation can cause blindness in situations.
I think what it boils down to is this- bat shit crazy. hah.
sahahria
15:07 Nov 24 2012
At the same point, it could be argued that people behave this way to protect their own privacy. Many people think "confronting" is a simple: 'you did this' when it should be a discussion.
A person could say 'no' or 'what do you mean', and have it not be a diversion rather a clarification of personal information. No one situation is set in stone as the above discussion shows.
You were very correct that it needs to be a string of events, not just a one time. At the same point, no one is infallible, and there are instances where change can happen. But it is best not to wait for change, but take care of yourself first.
MooniePie
16:33 Nov 26 2012
In the situation this is reference to it is spot on. Not every situation is like this, but it is a good guideline for thinking differently about a situation other than just always being in the same frame of mind.